I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
