Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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