I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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