Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
