i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
BRING THE BAGELS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
