I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
