2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
