what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
