so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
