I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
