one might say we're banned from that church
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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