I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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