i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
high people should be assigned attendants
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
