Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
