After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well I just put wine in my tea
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
