life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
