So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
