areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
