She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
