I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
