if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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