god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
