babies were throwing up all over the place
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
