So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
