i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
