What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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