My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
