I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i think i just lost a toe
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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