She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
