just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
