When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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