I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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