trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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