piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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