I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
