the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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