now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I want to be your penis for a week.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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