i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
