Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
