Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
