How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
