ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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