yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
