one might say we're banned from that church
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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