just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
