Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
