Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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