its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
