Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
