Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
