I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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