we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
