Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
