i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
