dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
