Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
