with your own penis?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
