I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
