guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
