u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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