Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
