i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
