I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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