I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
