And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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