It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize